Tuesday, September 28, 2010

the remodel

So here is the deal. I haven't posted one word about the house and the fact that we are remodeling. I think it's because I feel guilty. Like I will be judged that not enough time has gone by for me to tear apart moms house, after all it was only 1 month ago today that she left us.

Here are my thoughts about that... for anyone that knew my mom and I you knew we had our own kind of close relationship. We fought hard but loved deeply. I don't think anyone around me would question the void mom has left in my life and heart. I live in moms house. This is the best decision I ever made just for the fact I was here in the beginning of August when she needed me. If ever I felt God's hand at work it was then. Now that she is gone, we still live here. This means no one is reminded physically everyday of the permanence of this situation like my family and I are. Her things are here but not her. I think deep deep down she would understand why I am doing what I am doing ( I say deep deep because she HATED when I threw her stuff away).

Now for the tricky part, enjoying the process. If I post design ideas here it makes it seem like I am enjoying redecorating her house, my response to that, I am. It takes my mind off things, it helps me make the house I am living in feel like it's mine, I need this and I deserve to enjoy it. With that being said

stay tuned....


Linda said...

You don't need to feel guilty and you don't need to explain. But you are right, she hated when you threw her stuff away, even her 3 VCRs.

Your actions spoke volumes for the love that you had for your Mom. I will feel truly blessed if someone takes care of me the way you took care of her. We all loved her with all our hearts and we all miss her everyday. She would tell you herself that life is for living and she is at peace and would want all of us to be too. I just wish I knew how to get there.

All of us who knew your Mom also know how much work needed to be done on the house. Even you Mom knew, so many times she said "if only Vic were still here." I'm going to say to you one day what she said about Grandma after we had her kitchen remodeled. She said, "I wish Mom were here to see this, she would have loved this kitchen." I can't tell you how many times she told me that.

Most importantly, remember that your Mom would want you and Bobby to be happy, that was one of her main concerns. She loved you with all her heart!

Sally P-G said...

I think that it is a natural part of grieving and mourning to face a loved ones things and to put the things that need to be put away, away and the things that need to be left out, out. It will give you a chance to remember specific memories and moments you had with your mom by going through all her things.

I'm am looking forward to seeing what you will be doing :)