Wednesday, June 09, 2010

to work or not?...that is the question

I have been wrestling with myself lately on the idea of quitting my job. I always thought this was a no brainer, of course I want to quit. As Tim and I discuss this topic with more weight lately I feel more torn then I thought I would.

I love it when I am able to spend the whole day with my kids. Somehow my day is much more fluid when it is not chopped up into two parts. I feel I am where I an supposed to be while at home. I miss that I don't get to take Ryan to preschool, or give them morning baths, or cook them breakfast. I miss trips to Sea World in the morning before it gets crowded. I also miss my husband. It seems like our conversations have become shorter, disconnected and with less face time lately. I long for the days when I was on maternity leave and we lived a "normal" life with my husband coming home at 6pm.

For these of you that don't know, I work part time in the mornings while my husband is with the kids, and then when I get home he goes to work until about 10pm then comes home and works on stuff for his church job. We are blessed to have jobs that are flexible and are good to us but as you can see we are stretched to the limit.

I actually like my job as a medical biller. My hours are flexible and they have always worked with me when it comes to scheduling. It is nice to be able to get out of the house for a while and be around friends and be productive in a work environment. When I am at work I feel that is where I belong, yet, when I am at home I feel the same way. You would think I have the best of both worlds but for some reason it's not. I feel like something has to change.

I wonder if this is what most women go through. SAHM's that secretly desire to work and working moms that really want to be home. Or maybe you are where you want to be but have "what ifs".

I actually think I know what my decision is but I think I will continue praying on it until I feel 100% content.

And now, I will wash all the worry away with a shower.

Good night moon


Adam H said...

I was believing everything you said through the first 1 1/2 paragraphs. You lost me when you talked about cooking the kids breakfast.

Kylie said...

Amy, I firmly believe that pouring cereal, unwrapping a cereal bar or taking the lid off of a yogurt is cooking breakfast. HAHA. Quit. It's fun.

Linda said...

You will know what do to when the time is right. Do you have to put those words we have to type in before we post. It is hard after two or three martinis ;o)

Linda said...

oops, ,my do and my to got transposed