Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Passionate vs Gentle spirit

The past 12 months have been filled with so much change, hope, sadness, and reflection. I don't think I can say I am the same person I was a year ago today. To be honest, I celebrate that fact. I am a different person but I would like to think I am a better person. A humbler person. A more compassionate person. Don't get me wrong, I miss the mark DAILY. I feel like I am ALWAYS using the wrong words when speaking to people and I'm not as disciplined as I would like to be but my heart for Christ has changed. Deepened. I thirst more. I feel more passionate.

Maybe I simplify my faith too much or maybe sometimes people over complicate their faith. Not sure. Sometimes I think we in the church spend so much time focusing on our differences we miss who God is. To me, the message is simple, believe, have faith, and he will mold us, create in us so much more then we could imagine for ourselves. Do we have personal accountability - absolutely - but sometimes we put more emphasis on US then HIM. God cares about our heart, not our clothes, or our education level, or our rituals. In the church we spend more time trying to figure out which religion is going to heaven, or who has the right doctrine, then we do caring about peoples heart.

I think to my husband one of my deepest character flaws is the need to talk everything out. I learn so much from talking out my thoughts in conversation (or debate). I usually leave the conversation in reflection and God really works in that time. Sometimes I change what I thought and sometimes my feelings are strengthened. I never get offended, but I can get passionate. The problem though is that sometimes people do get offended, and defensive. It makes me sit back and think how a conversation could have gone differently. When as Christians are we to be apologetic and when are we to stand our ground. Christ was controversial, His thoughts and his ways. He was also love and kind, and gentle. I think I sometimes have a hard time balancing my passion with also having a gentle spirit.

I am learning that although I have been a self proclaimed christian for many years we can sometimes let our growth be stagnant. We get stuck in our ways. We believe things because we just always have and never desire to question, why? And, although I am not the person now that I was last year at this time, I hope the same is true next year. That I continue to be open to letting God do great works through me, that I can come closer to balancing my passion with a gentle spirit. That I allow myself to love bigger, and trust my faith more. That I can fully find my acceptance in Him and not others.

I look forward to the continued journey,..


Kylie said...

Christian spirituality means living in the mature wholeness of the gospel…experiencing all elements of life as an act of faith -Peterson

Kylie said...

I read that and it seemed to fit a lot with what we have been talking about!