Megan's Musings

Perfection

2012-01-26T09:13:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a while both kids are at school and the baby is taking a morning nap. The house is quiet. As I sit with my coffee and breakfast I turn the T.V off and do the normal internet routine. I check my email, then Facebook, then my blogs and daily deal sites. I put on Pandora this morning to center me with some christian music. I know some people read that and don't understand but this music centers my heart, it's in my blood, my love language.

This week has been rough. The older boys have taken fighting to a new level. The baby went on a sleep strike. I am no longer a mom, I am an overly tired referee. When I have any spare time I check out some blogs, and Pinterest, but instead of finding comfort that I am not alone in this overly tired parenting bubble, I instead see tutorials on how to make my kids clothes and how to make their lunch into an animated short film by cutting their sandwiches into little main characters and their sides into sidekicks. Me? I barely muster up the energy to put a PB&J sandwich on the table with a bag of apples. That's right folks, I get the already cut apples from Costco.

Why as moms is there so much pressure to be perfect? Everyone else can't be THAT much more put together, can they? So, this morning, I stopped short of reading blogs, looking at Pinterest, and finding deals on things I just don't need. I paused life to pray, reflect, be grateful. Most of all to remind myself of 1 Timothy 6:6 which reads

"Godliness with contentment is great gain"

What I really need to do is clean the house for guest tonight, get groceries, organize my house, mop the floors, plan for tonights life group, get laundry started, etc. After all, I have a quiet house. The thing is, I think God knows more then me - I think - and He is saying "Be still, Be calm, Trust". Who am I to say no!

This is what I am getting at... I don't think other moms are that different from me. We like to show everyone we are supermom to make us feel better about the job we're doing. My boys though - ARE AWESOME. Even though they drive me up the wall 90% of the time. I just need to gain perspective and clarity from God, and not the blog with the well photoshopped picture of the best looking perfect family , or the one with the house that looks like it came from a Pottery Barn catalog full of do it yourself projects (remember, I don't have energy to cut apples). I am sure today is going to be full of twist and turns, joy and frustration, that's my life but it's good to be recharged and refocused.

(this is where I would put the picture of my messy house

and be proud of it - I'm not that brave!)

Luke 3 months

2012-01-15T13:23:00.001-08:00

Forgot to post his 3 month picture!

Luke,

My sweet boy, not sure what is going on with you for the last day but life is not that bad. Lets try getting back to smiling more then crying.

Love you,

Mommy

Discipline

2012-01-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

I have thought much about the new year. I started to think about the typical new years resolutions and what I wanted to get out of this new year. My good friend Jessica wrote a blog post about taking one word and having it represent your "theme" for the year. I also read another blog where a mom asked her family what their new years resolutions were. After they stated your typical resolutions she asked them what they think Gods resolutions would be for them. Their answers changed dramatically. This made me think a lot about my new year. So this is what I came up with...

The first thing that hit me like a ton of bricks was the word discipline. I think this one word can sum up my new years goals. Who in their life couldn't use a little discipline. When it comes to food? or our time? or housework? or working out? or bible time? I feel like I need to manage my life a little better. Set a more scheduled routine. Sometimes I get in the rut of sitting down and having a hard time getting up and finishing the days work.

I am inspired this new year with all the awesome things to come. There is something that always feels fresh about a new year. 2011 was good to me and our family. Luke was born and continues to bring our lives even more joy. I am so excited to watch these boys continue to grow and continue to develop into their little personalities.

Happy new year to all of you...

2012

2012-01-01T22:11:00.001-08:00

Advent

2011-12-12T15:09:00.000-08:00

For the past few years we have done a Christmas advent (2009, 2010) and this year is no exception. We started on December 1st and have one fun activity a day (well, that's the plan at least).

We started with getting our christmas tree. This year was a little different because we got a Costco tree that you just pay for and take home. We bypassed the part where we carefully inspect each tree for hole and every imperfection we can find. It was Costco, you can't go wrong with Costco. Guess what? We didn't. Our tree is great, not perfect, but great. The only reason it's getting the not perfect grade is because it leans a little. It will work though.

Another advent day was spent making hot chocolate, eating cookies, and watching christmas movies.

Then we spent the next day decorating the tree. All fun Christmas stuff.

(oops no pics taken)

Continuing a tradition that we have had since I was little we spent 2 day at the merriest place on earth. We love taking trips up to Disneyland and it was exciting to introduce Luke to the tradition (although he slept through everything except Small World).

We enjoyed the church children's play, and buying toys for kids in mexico that do not have much this christmas.

I love the Christmas season. Look for more advent activities in future posts...

this is war...

2011-12-12T15:03:00.000-08:00

It's me against postpartum pregnancy weight gain.

Game on!

2 months

2011-12-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

Where has the time gone? I am stunned that it has been 2 months since Luke was born. Why does it go so fast? It's all a blur I tell you.

Luke is awesome. His longest stretch of sleep is now between 5- 7 hours. We still have not stepped into a regular schedule but his days are starting to regulate (sometimes). The boys are still loving have Luke around. Noah wants to touch him all the time and Ryan looks over him like the oldest brother should.

I am really enjoying the holiday season. To top it off it is raining out today. I think I might even start a fire tonight!

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-12-05T18:07:00.000-08:00

We were blessed with a full house this Thanksgiving. My aunt and uncle came for a visit along with my brother and his family. I love having the family around and it is exactly what you would expect a family holiday to be. The house was loud with the 4 kids 5 and under but my brother still seemed to be able to sleep through it all on the couch. We lost my uncle for a while, he seemed to take a page out of my brothers book and napped... do we see a pattern starting. Somehow I was unable to fit in a nap but thats okay, there was cooking to be done.

Rachel helped me to set the table beautifully

and the boys took some time out to play football

this was tackle football people

played some on the ipad

and then time for dinner

all in all a great day...

Indians

2011-11-30T22:35:00.000-08:00

Ryan had a kindergarten play for Thanksgiving.

He has come so far out of his shell and I can not be prouder of him.

He makes my heart leap.

1 month

2011-11-15T09:20:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has already been 1 month since we were blessed enough to welcome Luke into our family. He is such a joy. Now, at just over 5 weeks, he has started to smile a lot more at us and interact with the boys more then he was able to before (when I say "interact" I mean he makes eye contact instead of just sleeping - which is HUGE for the boys!).

He is doing pretty well adjusting to life outside of the womb. He has had a lot of strength in his neck since he was born and he is just getting stronger everyday. When he sleeps I get a good 4 hour stretch (a few times 5 hours) in the beginning and then between 3-4 hours for the rest of the night. Not to shabby. He has never pretested going back to sleep.

Ryan and Noah are in love. Noah asks to touch baby all the time. Yesterday, Luke started crying when Ryan was talking to him. Ryan told me it was ok, Luke is just shy because he doesn't really know him yet. I love these boys.

Bottom line - I am tired, sometimes I don't get out of the house but to get Ryan from school, and my house is a mess, but somehow life right now is just how it should be!

Welcome Baby Luke!

2011-10-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

Luke Donald Farmer arrived on October 8th, 2011 at 4:57pm 19 inches long 8pounds 6 ounces.

Finally I had a delivery and recovery that didn't end up putting me in the urgent care or ER. Contractions started Saturday morning then stopped after I got my epidural. Of course, once my epidural wore off they realized my contractions had stopped so they ended up breaking my water around 2:30pm. Unfortunately for me things sped up so fast the anesthesiologist was able to come give me a top off but not in time for it to actually work before I pushed this little guy out. I pushed for about 15 or 20 minutes and baby Luke was here. Much more painful then with Noah when I barely felt the contractions I was so numb.

Looking back on it though, I really like the fact I was able to have the experience to labor and really feel what my body was going through. Don't get me wrong, I loved the fact there was not as much pain during the delivery of Noah but this was a much more intense experience. I am fortunate to have a doctor that allow me to have 2 VBAC deliveries.

After delivering Luke we were back home about 23 hours later. Everything has been going smooth and the boys LOVE having their new little brother out of my belly. Ryan took out all his toys for him to play with on his first night home and Noah loves to sit with him and sing to him.

I have to admit, my life right now is bliss. hectic and tiring... but I am one blessed mommy.

I love my boys.

Tiny Tots

2011-10-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Noah started Tiny Tot's through the City of Chula Vista in September. It's like a pre preschool. He has the same teachers Ryan did when he was in this class.

Noah is loving it. Going to "school" makes him feel like a big boy and he looks even bigger to me now too. Time flies way to fast.

I love this boy!

My baby' is 5!

2011-10-13T15:42:00.000-07:00

So first things first, Ryan turned 5 on September 17th. Man I love that boy.

Ryan,

You are such a big boy now. When I look at how much you have grown and how smart you are my heart overflows with pride and joy. I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. I don't know where the time has gone.

You started kindergarten this year and you love it. You really enjoy reading, and counting, but above all you like to write. Whenever we do our homework together you always want to skip to the writing. The time when we do homework together is one of my favorite parts of the day. I cherish the one on one time I get with you.

You have such a sensitive soul. This is a sweet personality trait you posses but it can also cause for very emotional outbreak when you don't get what you want. Were working on that. Noah and you have the best brotherly relationship. Meaning: you both love each other dearly and can't stand to be away from each other. You wrestle with each other all the time and love to kick the ball around together, yet you also like to tease each other and get a little to rough when playing. You are so smart that you know exactly what buttons to push to upset your brother.

Though everything, I wouldn't change one stitch of who you are. Dad and I are so proud of you, our faces light up when you're in the room. I love you. I can't wait for all the memories our family will make this year and to see how you grow in this upcoming year.

With all my heart,

Mom

Hello blog!

2011-09-15T14:31:00.000-07:00

Hello World!!

So it's been a while. Partially because I have not had much awesome things to write about and I know you don't want to hear me whine about how HUGE and HOT I am ALL THE TIME!

When I started this blog it was when I was pregnant with Ryan and was bored out of my mind on maternity leave waiting for him to come. Wow, things have changed! Now I have two little ones to run around after and who ALWAYS keeps me on my toes.

My to do list is long and seems to be getting longer. The nursery is not even sort of ready for little baby Farmer and it doesn't help that I have been sidelined by a cold this week. This week of all weeks! I has trying to get baby clothes washed, Ryan's birthday party is Saturday and we have company over on Sunday. I don't have time to be sick! I am forcing myself to feel better though.

I haven't taken my camera out for some time now. My motivation has been lacking, but I think I will try to start documenting more - starting with Ryan's birthday. Can't believe he is turning 5! What a big boy - more on that later.

Lastly, I am so excite for fall. It is my favorite time of year. I'm a little scared to get too excited too soon but I feel it.... just around the corner. Love this time of year! I already feel my spirits picking up, now if I can just find the energy to clean the house...

I don't know who has it worse...

2011-08-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Him or me.

I think it's me! No room left and still 8 weeks to go. This should be fun.

This and that...

2011-08-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

I have been wiped lately, therefore blogs have been on the back burner. It has been a fun an busy summer. We went to the fair, to Disneyland, to Santa Cruz, we have been to our condo in Escondido. Ryan is a few weeks into kindergarten and loving it. We have been doing lazy afternoons in the pool. All that and no pictures! I am sure I will be kicking myself for this but I have been to lazy to pull the camera out and take pictures. I'm so disappointed in myself! Oh well. I steal the ipone from Tim every now and then and takes pictures with that - I just need to email myself the pictures. For now, here is the family on July 1st at Disneyland.

today was the first day

2011-07-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

of Kindergarten!

My baby is not such a baby anymore. Most people around me know I struggled with the idea of waiting another year to start Ryan in kinder or to start him this year. I ended up putting him in this year. Still not 100% on the decision but it was the decision that was made so i will not look backwards.

For some reason I am not the kind of person to get overly emotional about these things so it was not that difficult. Also, Ryan is out of school for the day by 11:15am so he still has plenty of time to cause trouble with his brother.

All that said, the fact that he is starting school that will continue for him until he is in his 20's (God willing) is crazy overwhelming. Tim, Noah, and I walked him to his school this morning. We found his name on the desk and he sat down. The kid next to him was super outgoing and introduced himself right away. Of course, Ryan being Ryan he turned his shy self away and did not say one word back to the kid. I looked at his parents and tried to explain that Ryan is not rude, just painfully shy (my face a little red).

I told Tim it seemed like something out of a sit-com. The kids walk into their class on the first day introduce themselves and then begins a life long friendship. So maybe thats not what is going to happen but hopefully Ryan warms up to his classmates fast.

When we picked him up 2 hours later - it was a short day for them- Ryan seemed to be very happy and excited about his first day. My only complaint is that school starts at 7:45am but it all worked out when Noah and I took a nap on the couch before lunch.

Here's to another chapter in our lives!

Inspiration

2011-07-09T23:28:00.000-07:00

I was in the middle of writing a blog and deleted the whole thing because it seemed to be one big complaint. I will not give into this weather or this pregnancy! So instead I leave myself with this inspiration...

Ahhh, I feel better already!!

On Monday, I leave for here

to do this

and more likely this

but probably this

Enjoy the weekend!

Wipeout

2011-06-24T11:15:00.001-07:00

Have you seen this show? Ever since it first premiered I thought the show was a little dumb. The whole premise of the show is to watch the contestants fall in mud and water after getting knocked off a platform. Fast forward a few years and we now have to watch it every week. This is my 3 year olds favorite show! I almost forgot that I live with 3 boys and this kind of show is right up there alley. It is actually adorable watching Noah watch this show as he laughs out loud the whole time. As for me, I am beginning to like the show more and more. Not because I think it is any better then when I first saw it, but because the whole family comes together after dinner to watch it. Never really thought this would be the fuzzy feeling family show we would all gather to watch but then again I never knew I would have a house full of boys! I think I am a little outnumbered.

*********************************************************************

Boys!

2011-06-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

I have yet to write a post about me having another... boy. Yep, that's right, boy #3 is on the way. I have to admit that it has taken this long for me to post about this as I have had to deal with mixed emotions. The "correct" thing to say when people ask a pregnant person if they want a boy or girl seems to be "it doesn't matter as long as they are healthy". So I felt like a villain when I was told it was a boy during the ultrasound and my eyes welled and the smallest tears fell ever so slowly down my face.

This whole pregnancy kinda threw me off. I wanted to have another child but the reality of it all was a different story. This time around I don't have my mom to help me navigate through the rough patches, or to watch the boys when Tim and I need some time to ourselves. Plus, the boys are getting older, more able to entertain themselves, they are at that age you can rough house with them, and they are more independent and starting school. The thought of starting that over was a little overwhelming. If it was a girl though... my mom really wanted me to have a girl, I wanted to birth the mother/daughter relationship that I just so recently lost. I wanted to braid hair and put her in a tutu! I wanted to dress her up in a Tinkerbell costume and go to Disneyland. There is an age difference of 3 years between my youngest and this baby, but if it was a girl she would have 2 wonderful older brothers to look out for her. I would sometimes wander to the girls section of the store and my heart would skip a beat with the thought of being blessed with a little girl.

Here I am now, 5 months pregnant with a boy. Although I did need to take time to mourn not having a little girl I am abundantly blessed with what I have been given. God has a perfect plan for me and my family. I know He knows what He is doing. I know we have the perfect spot in our family for this little one. In the years ahead I may never have food in the fridge, or a shirt without a stain. My house will always smell like... well, boys! Sports, and rough housing will just be the DNA of this family but I look forward to every minute.

If these boys have half of the patience, and kindness, and love for Christ their father has, we will have done alright!

farmers market

2011-06-22T12:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a perfect farmers market day. the kids had been in the backyard playing all day while i got some stuff done around the house. by about 4pm we were all ready to get out and play. the kids wanted to play with the thomas the train set at barns and noble and it just so happened to be the same day as the farmers market. for some reason with all the great smelling food the kids always end up eating hot dog on a stick. maybe it's because i don't want to spend money on food they probably will just tell me they don't like.

although the fruit looked and tasted yummy i walked right on past to the kettle corn and crapes. maybe next time beautifully round plums, or deliciously juicy peaches, today was all about corn on the cob and teriyaki kabobs (i ate a lot). then just as the sun was moving away and the air was getting crisper, the boys felt it was their time to get wet in the water feature. but then again who could blame them.

and as we were leaving in the car the perfect sun was setting over the empty fields. and as summer arrives and the smell of sunscreen is in the air we went home and hit the bed, hard. goodnight to another sunny summer day, the first of many!

It's here!

2011-06-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

Happy first day of summer!

It also happens to be the longest day of the year. I’m a little mixed about my feelings on that. Although I love the long summer nights when Tim comes home and there is still enough light we can do fun activities, trying to put the kids to sleep when it is still light out is impossible.

Yesterday started the first weekday with weather that made you want to turn off the T.V and go outside to play. Well at least for me, the kids seem to ALWAYS want to play on the computer or ipad. Not yesterday though, they got kicked out of the living room and could only play in the playroom and backyard.

A former coworker of Tim’s gave us this huge tub of animal toys for the kids to play with. One look at this full to the top tub I glared at Tim for bringing MORE toys into the house. It actually has worked out really nicely though as the tub is an “outside” tub meaning it NEVER makes it’s way to the inside. This keeps the kids interest in the toys as it is more of a treat then a normal everyday activity.

Then I turned Pandora on the ipad and we listened to Disney All. Day. Long! The kids enjoyed dancing to the music and guessing what movie the song is from. We finished our outdoor day with s’mores and some playroom coloring.

All in all the day was a success. Now, I just need to come up with a summer full of these ideas!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This all leads up to my annual summer fun list (2010 here). These are my goals for the summer. I’m not sure we will hit everything up but it is something to aim for. So here we go…

o Planting flowers

o Sea World / Zoo

Trip to Santa Cruz

o Library

o Wash the car

o Museum

o Drive in movie

Living room campout

Start on baby’s room

o Fair

o Park picnic

o Ice cream truck

o Movie party

I have some more things but for now I am thinking this is more then enough to get us started. It’s hard here where we live, as summer is not very long. We only have about a month of summer until kids are back in school and then before no time little baby farmer will arrive. I am committed to make the most of the summer we do have though!

My prayer for these boys....

2011-06-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

"be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us." Colossians 1: 9-12

sprinkles of summer

2011-06-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to feel a little sprinkle of summer.

The warm breeze swept through the house for

the past two days, and it was delightful.

It looks like we are in for a cooler weekend

but I will take what I can get for now.

When the weather is warm and the evenings

feel like summer what else would you want to do

then play shooter guns in the house with dad

while mom gets dinner ready.

getting in position

running around the house trying to find daddy

sneaking around

taking a hostage!

When it was time for dinner the boys were in a rather playful mood

And I was ready for dinner!

(Chicken enchilada recipe here)

Can't wait for summer to be in full bloom!

To my 3 year old...

2011-05-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

To my 3 year old Noah,

You are so precious. You really keep me on my toes. If there is mischief going on I know you are at the center of it. I think it has to do with your adventurous spirit, you need to be exploring at all times.

Your smile is contagious. Your daddy describes you as cute wrapped up in adorable. Even when you have stressed us out to our limits with your stubborn behavior, we cant help but laugh at the funny faces you make and the crazy things you say. Oh, and about the stubborn streak, you are on a mission to take years off our lives. You can out last ANYONE in pure whining to get your way. I'm not going to lie, it's like nails on a chalkboard. I would say this is the single most challenging habit you have.

When Ryan is at pre-school on Tuesdays and Thursdays I love the moments we get to spend alone together. Although you have an adventurous spirit, you also love to cuddle. You usually tend to daddy a little more then mommy so when I have you all to myself I just eat you up!

My heart is a little sad with you going to pre-school in a few months but excited to let you fly a little further to discover more of you! You are my inspiration, my heart, my smile.

I love you little boy,

Mommy

8 years and counting...

2011-05-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

On May 2, I celebrated my 8th wedding anniversary. Feeling kinda bad it took me this much time to post about it. I love you Tim!

It's a special moment in life when you meet someone that you were meant to spend your whole life with, for some reason Tim and I just fit together. He is a better man then I ever thought I could find. It just reminds me again that God has much more in store for us then we can dream up for ourselves.

Tim is patient, kind, but most of all his love for Christ is evident in his day to day life. He was hand chosen by God for me. Tim and I have been through so much together. With every obstacle we face we come out stronger.

Now, eight years later, expecting our third child I would not change a moment ( not even the kids screaming in the background while typing this - well, maybe some things!)

I love you Tim!

out and about

2011-04-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

This week I packed up the kids and we went to the tide pools for the afternoon. Tide pool season is almost over as during the summer low tide is really early in the morning.

The kids had a good time finding all the different sea life out and about. As for me, I was just so excited to be feeling better and able to get them out of the house for a few hours.

The warm weather is starting to peak out from the grey clouds we have seen for most of spring. I am looking forward to what the rest of spring and summer is going to bring for our family.

As much as I am anticipating the arrival of this new little baby in the fall I want to cherish the last few months of our family as we currently know it.

Oh yeah, one more thing. I have been thinking about books to read this summer. Does anyone have a great book they have read that you would suggest?

The bedroom

2011-04-12T10:11:00.001-07:00

So, a long time ago I talked about how we were remodeling the house. I didn't really talk much about it after that. While I was taking photos off the camera I found some "after" pictures I took of the bedroom. I though I would show a few "before" and "after" bedroom pictures.

Before:

(In mom's defense this was after we started sorting through things)

and now:

(I still need to hide the T.V. cords)

I need to add some stuff to the walls, throughout the whole house actually, but that will come in time. In front of the tree on the wall I am looking for a reading chair. With the new baby it might become a rocking chair though. I want something to bring a little more color to the room. Maybe some yellow, we'll see. It's a start though!

Guess what?

2011-04-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

I finally took pictures off my camera! Yep, there were pictures on there since December 20th. Can you believe that? Christmas pictures still on the camera still yet to be looked at. That's really bad! It's okay now. All is back to being right in the world.

Yesterday was the first day in 14 weeks that I felt human all day long. I have prayed for this day. This pregnancy had floored me! I see the light now, things are shifting to a better place. I cleaned the house yesterday and I finally feel like I can breath while in my house. It was getting WAY out of hand. I still have a long way to go to get this house pretty again but it's already 1000 times better then it was.

A few months ago Tim bought himself a new smoker/grill. Unfortunately for Tim it was raining the days following his well anticipated new purchase. Rain didn't slow him down though. What is grilling if you can't get a little wet?

Can't wait for a great warm summer in the backyard grilling and swimming with friends and family. Now, if only the weather will work itself out...

The family is expanding

2011-04-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

...and then there were FIVE! (can you tell?)

We are so excited to be blessed with another little one

to complete our family. There is some fear but I think that

just comes with change.

This pregnancy has been rough so far.

I was fortunate with Ryan and Noah to

not really have any sickness.

This time around though I have been nothing but sick.

I can wait until I start to feel better and get

some energy back and let my poor house reap the benefits

( the dirt is piling up).

So, for the next 6 months I think I will

hug my boys a little more

spend time enjoying my family

and prepare for tiny fingers and tiny toes

to join in on the fun in October.

Passionate vs Gentle spirit

2011-03-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

The past 12 months have been filled with so much change, hope, sadness, and reflection. I don't think I can say I am the same person I was a year ago today. To be honest, I celebrate that fact. I am a different person but I would like to think I am a better person. A humbler person. A more compassionate person. Don't get me wrong, I miss the mark DAILY. I feel like I am ALWAYS using the wrong words when speaking to people and I'm not as disciplined as I would like to be but my heart for Christ has changed. Deepened. I thirst more. I feel more passionate.

Maybe I simplify my faith too much or maybe sometimes people over complicate their faith. Not sure. Sometimes I think we in the church spend so much time focusing on our differences we miss who God is. To me, the message is simple, believe, have faith, and he will mold us, create in us so much more then we could imagine for ourselves. Do we have personal accountability - absolutely - but sometimes we put more emphasis on US then HIM. God cares about our heart, not our clothes, or our education level, or our rituals. In the church we spend more time trying to figure out which religion is going to heaven, or who has the right doctrine, then we do caring about peoples heart.

I think to my husband one of my deepest character flaws is the need to talk everything out. I learn so much from talking out my thoughts in conversation (or debate). I usually leave the conversation in reflection and God really works in that time. Sometimes I change what I thought and sometimes my feelings are strengthened. I never get offended, but I can get passionate. The problem though is that sometimes people do get offended, and defensive. It makes me sit back and think how a conversation could have gone differently. When as Christians are we to be apologetic and when are we to stand our ground. Christ was controversial, His thoughts and his ways. He was also love and kind, and gentle. I think I sometimes have a hard time balancing my passion with also having a gentle spirit.

I am learning that although I have been a self proclaimed christian for many years we can sometimes let our growth be stagnant. We get stuck in our ways. We believe things because we just always have and never desire to question, why? And, although I am not the person now that I was last year at this time, I hope the same is true next year. That I continue to be open to letting God do great works through me, that I can come closer to balancing my passion with a gentle spirit. That I allow myself to love bigger, and trust my faith more. That I can fully find my acceptance in Him and not others.

I look forward to the continued journey,..

Happy Birthday

2011-03-08T16:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to my love.

Almost better

2011-02-23T19:43:00.000-08:00

Well, here is the deal... I am STILL sick. So weird. This illness has morphed into so many different things and I am so tired of it. I think I am entering the end though. Starting to feel a little better this afternoon. This is the reason for no posts, we haven't done ANYTHING! On the agenda though:

The normal laundry ... boring!
potty training Noah - yes I have tried this several time and was too lazy to follow through -maybe it will be different this time - maybe
Tim's birthday is rounding the corner
trying to talk my husband into a few days away with the kiddos at the happiest place on earth - they deserve it after being neglected while I've been sick

Thats all I've got for now, stay tuned!

Sick

2011-02-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

Ugh. Nothing is worse then being sick! I am on day 8 of being floored. I am beyond ready for this sickness to leave my body completely so I can get on with life. I have realized though that you don't appreciate getting out and doing things as much as you do when you are bed ridden and cant get out. So I am giving myself until tomorrow to be back to at least 95%.

The weather has been weird. One day beautiful the next day freezing. I never know how to dress the kids. Good thing Tim actually pays attention to the weather reports.

Nothing exciting going on here. The kids have been awesome while I have been sick. It even helps that Tim has been working nights this week so he has been here to help me during the day.

So next time you read this great fun stuff will be happening. Right now though... the bed is calling my name!

*I know, random post today but what do you expect I have been sick and loosing my mind!

Goofball

2011-02-02T00:25:00.000-08:00

Seriously, you don't get much cuter then this

Noah cuddled with me today. I loved it! He has been ALL about daddy lately BUT when daddy is away he will come to me to sit and watch T.V. Yes, he should be doing something more educational blah, blah, blah but how can I resist. His imagination is huge and his laugh is addictive. Oh if he will only stay this age!

December

2011-01-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

I am trying to look forward to the blogging future but I don't feel right about doing that since I never blogged about Christmas. Here is the month of December in one post.

We started the month with our advent project. Everyday they punched out a new activity to do for that day

The first day brought the kids christmas pajamas

Later a trip to see santa. Well, at least for Noah. We have yet to get Ryan to volunteer to sit with santa.

We decorated Christmas ornaments at the Ceramic Cafe

and rode on a fire engine

Next, we trimmed the tree

Wrote letters to Santa

And made a gingerbread house

opened presents with the cousins

Every year since I can remember our family went to Disneyland at Christmas for mom's birthday. She really enjoyed this trip. We would always pack the car with as many people as we could fit for a fun, magical day (can you tell I buy into the Disneyland hype?). Anyhow, after mom passed a good friend gave my brother and I a gift card to Disneyland and on is she wrote: KEEP THE TRADITION ALIVE. So what is exactly what we did. When Bobby and the family came down to visit we went to Disneyland for 2 day.

This actually only takes us till about a week before christmas. I think Christmas eve and Christmas day are still on my camara so MAYBE there will be a part 2 to this blog.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas though and I can't wait to see what great things God has in store this year!

House

2011-01-17T11:08:00.000-08:00

Right now I am obsessed with "House". I love this show and I think I might have a secret (or not so secret) crush on Mr. Gregory House. To be honest I JUST started watching this show. It has been on for 7 seasons. I turned on the TV one night and House just happened to be on and because there was nothing else on TV I decided to just watch it. I kinda liked the show and began to record the back episodes to catch up. Yeah, try catching up on a popular show 7 seasons in - after 3 days I had 17 episodes to watch on my DVR. I have been watching House NON-STOP for over a week every night after the kids go to sleep!

I love that House says what everyone thinks with no filter. It's funny, sarcastic, yet with painful truth. Just when you think this character has no redeeming value you see part of his humanity, a crack in his armor. Usually in everyday life we see the opposite. People trying to do and say the right thing yet every once in a while a crack in our armor shows the thoughts we don't want the world to see. I feel the irony of the show quite appealing. Well that and Hugh Laurie is not too hard on the eyes.

Another interesting aspect to the show is the way House views God. He hates when people thank God for being cured. He believes there is a rational scientific reason for EVERYTHING and God plays no role. It's interesting and brings up a lot of thought provoking questions.

So there you have it, my new obsession! Tonight brings a new episode after it's hiatus. I'm so excited!!

A daily post?

2011-01-16T18:56:00.000-08:00

(my cuties)

I saw a quote today that read:

"Something interesting happens every day.”

~Nigel Nicolson (Vita Sackville-West’s son) quoting Virginia Woolf

I was also searching around and read something that stated we shouldn't let a day do by without documenting it. I think my documenting skills have been few and far between lately. There are a few reasons for this. First, I am really working to try and find a balance to my daily schedule. As I have mentioned I have been working from home lately and it poses a challenge to do a good job working AND a good job raising the kids at home everyday. I am trying not to put them in front of the TV, put on a movie and enjoy 2 hours of uninterrupted work. So, I am working on finding a schedule that will balance my day. I think the first thing I am going to implement is waking up early to have a moment to myself. I want to start my day with coffee (or juice, I'm trying to be better) and a devotional. My goal is to start my day on my terms, not let my day run me. I'm still working the rest of the details out but I will let everyone know when (if ever) I really figure out the whole day.

The second problem I have with my blogging is pictures. I have all my pictures stored on my laptop but I now use my imac more often which I got from my mom so all her pictures are on it. Post just aren't as much fun without pictures!

So, there are all my excuses as to why the blogging has been at a minimum. I like the thought though of not letting a day go by undocumented. Of course I will not be able to blog daily but I will do my best to try it. My kids are at the age I don't ever want to forget.

2011

2011-01-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a awhile. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years to everyone. I am going to try real heard to get back in the swing of things and find time to blog again. I love that I blog. I love looking back on my life and having documentation of what I was going through and what I was feeling and seeing where my life has taken me.

So, here we are at another new year. I am not going back and recapping this past year. It had both ups and downs but I'm moving forward. I am excited at what this year will bring. God is doing good things all around, I can feel it and see it. So, without further ado... here are my 2011 goals:

To daily walk in faith by spending time with God and his word
to do something for Christ ( you will be hearing much more on this one)
to continue to grow as a mother, wife, and friend.
and lastly, to manage my time better. Get on a better schedule where I am able to work, play with the kids, do my devotions, and workout all daily and still have time to spend with my husband and unwind. I'm sure it's possible - right?

As for the last month, I will be talking more about these days in upcoming posts. For now though, I hope everyone feels hope with this upcoming year.

Bring it...

Thank you!!!

2010-12-07T23:36:00.001-08:00

For starters, let me say this is not Megan. This is Tim. Megan is fast asleep on the couch after powering through today. I just wanted to take this opportunity to hack into her account and to say thank you to my lovely wife. She is an amazing woman who has endured so much over these past few months, yet constantly thinks of ways she can help others and continues to have a trust in a plan that God will provide for us in all ways.

We currently have Caleb (4) and Micah (almost 2) for the week and Megan has been absolutely wonderful with them. I have been working until 10:30pm each night, and will continue most of the week so I feel like I've abandoned her but she is doing great. Tomorrow, she is taking ALL the kids to MOPS so however much she paid for the class, she's getting her money's worth tomorrow. Then there are plans for Sea World and the boat parade this weekend.

I just love seeing Megan's heart be shown in how she treats others and I love her more and more because of it. She has every right to shut out the world and take some time to be resentful, grief stricken, angry, etc. But she has taken the path of righteousness and of service. Even through changing over the house, a priority has been keeping a guest bedroom for Linda & John and for Bobby & Rachel (and for anybody else that wants to crash here too...really!) Megan is such a strong, beautiful, loving, and compassionate woman and I'm lucky to be married to her.

Megan, if you read this, thank you with everything I have to give and I love you more than I can ever express.

December

2010-11-30T21:57:00.000-08:00

(me, mom, and Bobby Christmas 2005)

Tomorrow is the first day of December. I really do love Christmas! Tomorrow we start our advent calendar with the kids, which brings fun new activities such as watching boats in the cold, making christmas cookies and gingerbread houses, drinking hot chocolate, visiting with the family, and of course an annual christmas trip to Disneyland. I love it all.

God is starting to work in mysterious ways in the Farmer household. I received a call from Tim this morning saying that there is an extremely high chance he will receive a pink slip this week. His last day of work would be in the beginning of January. I asked him how he felt about this and he was in great spirits, God will provide. About 30 minutes after my conversation with Tim I got a call from my old boss. They are in need of some temporary staff and asked if I would be able to come back... on a work from home basis. Seriously? I have always told them I would be willing to work from home but I knew they wouldn't really take me up on it.

I knew God was doing some great stuff in our lives. I can't wait to see what God is writing in this next chapter. I truly believe it is a special thing when we are open to Gods will and blessings instead of fighting against them for the fear of change. My prayer this christmas season is that we can all let go of the rope and fall into God's arms.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Giving thanks

2010-11-27T00:48:00.000-08:00

For me, this thanksgiving day was not as hard as I would have thought. This was the first thanksgiving ever that I did not see my mom. I lay my head down on my pillow at night I have a hard time escaping the memories of the last month she was alive. During the days though, I feel so incredibly blessed.

I have the best friends EVER!

In the past three months I have had so many friends, some life long friends and some new, step up and be there for me in ways I never knew I needed. I am one blessed girl. This thanksgiving I spent with my oldest friend ever. Katie and I became friends when I moved into my home when I was 6 years old. She lived down the street from me and you could not find two people as opposite as Katie and I. Through the years there have been times when we were super close and there have been time we talked once or twice a year. Now, 23 years later she again lives up the street from me with her 2 boys and we spent my first thanksgiving without my mom with her and her family and it only seemed fitting. The kids played and we all ate and the house had life in it again. I am so grateful to call her my friend. I love you Katie.

I am a little disappointed though that the whole day went by and not one picture was taken. I NEED to get better about taking pictures again.

At 9pm on thanksgiving Jessica came to pick me up and Kylie met us at the mall to do some middle of the night shopping. Although Jess whined the WHOLE TIME we had fun. Kylie has been a rock for me since the day my mom was diagnosed and I don't know how I would have gotten through this past year without her. I know in my heart she would do anything for me. God knew that I would need someone like Jessica in my life at this time. Her friendship came into my life strong around my mothers death for a reason. Her passion for God is inspiring and contagious. She has been there for encouragement, fashion consultant, spiritual guidance and mental therapy (I'm sure she will be sending me her bill soon). Seriously, both of these girls are my anchors.

Then there was tonight. So many of my good friends dating back to high school filled my house with love and laughs. These girls are my crutch. They are always there to encourage me and give me strength. They have cried with me, helped me plan a funeral, sent me texts, and emails, and voicemails, and facebook/blog messages lifting me up and giving me strength for another day. Your words touch my heart.

Why am I writing all this? Sitting here in this moment thinking over the past two days my heart is filled with so much joy. None of my family lives here anymore. My brother is in Santa Cruz, and my aunt and uncle are in Arizona. This weekend I have been reminded the definition of family is wide. These friends I have are my roots. They keep me grounded. Some people go through life and have several friends but those friendships don't have roots. They wither away as the investment is only surface.

This thanksgiving I am grateful God has blessed me with such a devoted and beautiful circle of friends.

It's hard to let go

2010-11-22T10:28:00.000-08:00

Last night was a hard night. I couldn't sleep. I lie awake in bed tossing and turning knowing God is working on so much in my life and in the lives of people I love.

I got a call last night from my brother. He called to tell me his house was burning. You can read more about it here on his blog. I was stunned and my heart hurt for him and his family. They are all safe and okay but not all of there things are. I sit here crying just thinking about the whole situation. Our family has been through so much this year. We lost mom just short of 3 months ago and now Bobby has to go through this? It doesn't seem right. Bobby and Rachel are the last people you think should have to go through this.

I sit here feeling convicted. I just spent so much time and money putting together my house with "stuff". Everything I have can be taken away in a minute. Bobby and Rachel are so faithful and give so much I feel guilty for what I have.

Now with all this said, I also feel that they are so blessed. I believe in the hard times when you feel broken and tired, and that so much of what you worked hard for is gone in a minute, this is when God is able to do incredible things in our lives. When we have no choice but to have faith in Him and trust that He will provide. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the sidelines watching the game being played. I see Christ followers giving up so much and letting there lives be guided by faith and I sit here in my house with the heater on scared to go outside and be cold.

Bobby is going through a hard time right now but I know in the deepest depth of my heart God has such awesome things in store for his future. I will seek harder to start playing the game better. It's time to brush off the knee pads and come off the bench. Big things are in store. Just wait.

Megan

Refining life

2010-11-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Ryan was playing on my computer yesterday and it's kind of acting weird today. Weird like it wont let me place an order at JCPenney.com. So so sad. Anyhow, I am so excited the carpet is coming in today. This is the last piece of the puzzle before all the big stuff is done and I can rest for a while (until I decide my walls are too bare and start working on that).

I was blessed to be a part of making a shoe box with my church life group this week for Operation Christmas Child. We all hung out and put together some boxes for kids that are in need this Christmas and we were able to involve our kids in the process. The study this week was passing our faith on to our kids, I couldn't think of a better way to live the gospel with our kids. I love our life group.

Tim is in real danger of loosing his job in January. We have some potential options but it's all still nerve racking. Honestly though, I feel that God has been refining us lately for this moment. He has been stirring both mine and Tim's heart for change. I have to admit though I am having a bit of a change overload. We are reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and it has changed our lives. It is challenging us to be better, do better. Stop being luke warm and get on fire for Christ. It is a highly recommended read for the Christian that longs for more, and to be challenged.

Lastly, Who is not in love with the song Awakening by Chris Tomlin? My heart weeps when I hear this song!

under the weather

2010-11-03T12:41:00.000-07:00

>
Ugh. I hate being sick. For the past week I have been on and off sick. The good thing is I am on my way to recovery after I get through this stage of being drained. I hope I will be 100% tomorrow as I need to get back to my P90X. Oh yeah, did I mention I am doing the P90x workout dvd's? I have a very strong love hate relationship with these workouts but I love that I have a workout partner to keep me accountable for staying on track.

What is going on with the house you ask? Well, it's almost done. Tomorrow the furniture gets delivered and then I just have to wait about another week for the upstairs carpet to come in. I will post some pictures as soon as I can but I seem to have lost the battery charger for my camera. It's killing me to not be able to take pictures. It should be delivered soon though. I can't wait!

Lastly, I have a new recipe for dinner tonight. It's been so long since I have been able to cook. I am just starting to get settled into my kitchen. I still have some cabinets of mom's that have yet to be cleaned out but the bulk of it is done. Somewhere in this chaos I think I have started to make the transition to this being "my" house. Don't get me wrong, I have a long way to go still but we have worked hard to fuse moms house with our home. Trust me, as pictures go up and I talk more about the remodel I will have more to say on this topic.

***sneak peek***

I found this really cool print here and framed it to put on my wall in my bedroom. It reminds me that even when times are tough...

Missing fall

2010-10-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

There are so many things in my head that I want to blog about but my heart just isn't in it tonight. I remember last year at this time I was doing so well keeping up with my blog posts. It seems like a life time ago. It seems like the shock has worn off but I am still swimming in sadness and fear.

I love fall. I can wait to put my house together but I think I am going to miss the fall decorating and baking season. So bummed about that! Oh well, next year right? For now here is a picture of the new dining room table I ordered.

Happy weekend!

Ryans 4

2010-10-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

Ryan's birthday was about three weeks ago. Unfortunately with the chaos that is our life I didn't document it very well at home or on the blog. I feel bad for that but let me fix that here.

Ryan,

Wow, the big 4. I am so proud of you. You are such a blessing to our lives. Your happy smile can light up a room. You are doing so good at preschool. You are there two days a week. Although you are pretty shy with your friends your teacher says you warm up to everyone rather fast. You love to read, and ride your bike outside.

It has been a tough past few months for you and life is still not as calm as I would like. Grandma passed away about 2 weeks before your birthday. You had such a special relationship with her. I am saddened beyond words that you might not remember her. She loved you like crazy. I know she loved Noah just as much but she seemed to have a special bond with you. I think you know in your heart a little better what has happened then in your head. You have been acting out at home a little more then normal but I take that blame as your life has been changed SO much. A new house, grandmas house but- not grandmas house, new preschool, remodeling the house, different people staying at the house for almost 2 months. All things considered you are perfect. Who wouldn't have a hard time adjusting. I am.

You are my light. My big boy who is still not to big to cuddle with me on the couch. I cant wait until life gets "normal" again and we can enjoy our new routine as I stay home with you all day long! You are such a great little man and I am excited about what journey we will take together this year.

I love you baby,

Mom

Getting things done

2010-10-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. I have been buried under home remodeling projects. Here is where we stand now:

Tile has been laid
fireplace rock removed
walls textured
paint almost done
bed ordered
pool gate installed

What is left?

upstairs gets measured for carpet Tuesday
master bath vanity to be delivered Tuesday
fireplace tile SHOULD be done next week
will order dining room table next week
and the bamboo floors are scheduled to be installed next monday

What is still up in the air?

anything that has to do with decor!!

It seems Tim and I have discovered our decorative palates are a little different. By a little meaning we agree on just about nothing. Each step has been meet with opposition by one of us. I guess you could say the positive of all this is we are honing our compromising skills.

With all this said, right now I am feeling Zebra print rug. What do you think?

First stop...Fireplace

2010-09-29T17:52:00.001-07:00

It's hot, kids are crying, dinner needs to be made yet here I am blogging about the fireplace. Maybe after dinner I will go to Starbucks and do some more blogging in peace!

I think we are going to have tile laid in the upstairs bathrooms soon. I'm so excited. It looks like we have just about everyone lined up for all the projects. We have even found more projects we want to do but I suppose I will wait until the first wave of necessary projects are taken care of.

Right now I am trying to figure out what I want my fireplace to look like. Here is a before picture

Not too pretty huh? We are going to be taking down the rock wall and then we can begin with a clean palate. I am thinking we will put 4x4 stone squares on the wall between the fireplace opening and the mantel.

Here are some ideas...

Tim wants the 4x4's to be more of a white washed color ( we are having a little discrepancy). The only problem is that I could probably go with tile around the fireplace also which is completely a different look then what I thought I wanted. I am WAY to indecisive to decorate a house. I am much better at knowing what I don't want then what I do want.

This is Tim's choice in brick

I'm not a fan though. What do you think?

the remodel

2010-09-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

So here is the deal. I haven't posted one word about the house and the fact that we are remodeling. I think it's because I feel guilty. Like I will be judged that not enough time has gone by for me to tear apart moms house, after all it was only 1 month ago today that she left us.

Here are my thoughts about that... for anyone that knew my mom and I you knew we had our own kind of close relationship. We fought hard but loved deeply. I don't think anyone around me would question the void mom has left in my life and heart. I live in moms house. This is the best decision I ever made just for the fact I was here in the beginning of August when she needed me. If ever I felt God's hand at work it was then. Now that she is gone, we still live here. This means no one is reminded physically everyday of the permanence of this situation like my family and I are. Her things are here but not her. I think deep deep down she would understand why I am doing what I am doing ( I say deep deep because she HATED when I threw her stuff away).

Now for the tricky part, enjoying the process. If I post design ideas here it makes it seem like I am enjoying redecorating her house, my response to that, I am. It takes my mind off things, it helps me make the house I am living in feel like it's mine, I need this and I deserve to enjoy it. With that being said

stay tuned....

September's over?

2010-09-21T21:47:00.001-07:00

I can't believe that September is almost over. I think I blinked and it was gone. This past month has been surreal. We have had people in and out of the house non-stop. Ryan turned 4, we put mom to rest with Vic, cleaning out her house, sea world with the family, went to work for a day. I'm tired! Everything is starting to slow down a little bit. Well, actually it's really hectic here but we are starting to be able to settle into a routine with the boys. They are great. Such a defining moment in their lives just passed and I am not sure if I should be sad or grateful that they don't understand this void in their lives. Mom was SO active in their lives. A week never seemed to go by where she did not see them at LEAST once.

I keep thinking in my mind what it would be like if the boys saw her again tomorrow, if she just walked through the door. Would they have big grins on their faces as they ran to grandma? Would Ryan be shy but when approached his cheeky smile would creep through his nervous face? Mom was so proud of the fact that if Noah was crying he would first want Tim and then if he wasn't there Noah would cry for her - not me! It didn't bother me though, I was happy they were able to have a close relationship.

I wonder if these thoughts will ever go away. I wonder if my heart will ever stop breaking for their loss. I wonder how our lives will change, if we are morning correctly. I wonder if we are cleaning too soon, then there are moments where I feel we are doing the right thing. Sometimes I feel blessed for what she was able to pass down to me, then I feel guilty for feeling blessed due to the high price we had to pay. It's weird to have someone this close to you die, the bag of emotions are mixed and hard to sort out. I know the logical responses to these thoughts in my head but my heart seems to be taking it's own path.

Last thoughts

2010-08-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

My words from this mornings memorial service:

I sit here in a state of shock, sadness, and fear. How did this become my reality? My mom and I have a complex relationship, we loved each other deeply but we didn’t always communicate effectively. I always wished things were different but also understood we had different ways of expressing ourselves.

Mom was a strong person. One of the most independent people I have ever met. As a parent I have so much admiration for how hard it was to raise two children on her own. Then she met my dad. She was no longer alone. I have great memories growing up. When I was 14 my father passed away. Mom was never the same. Her light went dim. She showed so much strength getting up out of bed every morning and pressing on without her partner, but it’s a tiring task.

One year ago mom began her battle with cancer. My heart broke. We knew from the beginning that this was going to be a long journey with a prognosis that didn’t give us much hope. Going through this with my mom was the single hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Jeremy Camp sings a song that says:

I still believe in your faithfulness

I still believe in your truth

I still believe in your holy word

Even when I don't see, I still believe

I sang this to myself so many times in the last year. Before I went to bed, sitting next to mom in the hospital, the day she died. I look back through the last year though and realize that through all the pain and sickness my mom and I formed a new relationship. One where we were able to realize that the future is unknown and time we have here together is precious. We didn’t argue as much and loved each other more.

My mom is fierce and fought this cancer hard. I think she fought more for me though then herself. I think she felt ready whenever it was her time to go; after all she had a husband waiting for her. I had a daydream a few months ago, it was of her and Vic seeing each other for the first time in 15 years, the thought brought tears to my eyes. She told me in the hospital that she felt cheated that she wouldn’t get to see her grandchildren grow up but she started to tear up with the thought of seeing her husband again.

She loved us all but I think she knew we would all be okay. Of course she worried, but she knew. I don’t understand the fact that I have lost both my parents, what a lonely feeling. I am mad that my children lost their grandmother; I have such fond memories of my own grandparents and wished the same for my kids. A daughter should not lose her mother so early in life. Who do I call when I burn dinner and need a quick fix? Or teach me how to make gravy for the tenth time because I can’t seem to be able to add 3 ingredients together? Who do I call when I am at the hospital scared because my son needs stitches? Or when I am bored and just want my mom to talk to? I don’t understand! But even when I don’t see, I still believe.

I believe God has a purpose and a plan. I believe with His strength and the love of my family we will get through this hard time. I believe mom is where she wants to be, lonely no more.

My heart hurts

2010-08-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

These last 36 hours have been a blur. How did I get here? Mom passed away yesterday morning. Did I really just type those words? Weird! So many emotions, no time to process them. I think I kinda like being in the busy state of having to get things done, it keeps me from having the think about what I am doing. It's not right to lose both your parents before the age of 30. I don't have much time to write today but I wanted to make sure everyone that wanted to be at her service had the information.

We will have a service on Tuesday August 31st at 10am at Little Chapel of the Roses (Glen Abbey) in Bonita. Please join us after for a reception with lunch provided.

Thank you to all my friends and family for all your support in this sad time. You make my heart feel blessed!

Megan

my muse

2010-08-24T13:48:00.001-07:00

One month and one day. That is how long it's been since I blogged last, and let me tell you... it seemed just as long as it was.

I just put the boys down for their afternoon naps and was changing out the laundry. I heard Ryan from down stairs so I went and stood outside his door. He was singing. I think he was making up songs, but he was so happy singing. Then, I smiled.

Tim tells me I don't smile much lately. Truth be told I haven't felt much to smile about. Let me back up. We ended up moving into my moms house. This in itself was a hard decision but after prayer, we had a peace about it and didn't look back. Not long after we moved back in mom had some medical issues we are dealing with. It is really hard to write about this as my mom is private and has asked me not to write about her current situation. I on the other hand feel an outlet when I am able to write and express myself. This is why my blogging has been limited.

I guess my point in this blog is that sometimes God allows us to go through some dark days, but not without little rays of sunshine beaming through. With Ryan and Noah as my muse I will continue smiling. With Tim as my support, I will not fall. With God as my anchor I will get through.

Happy Tuesday!

Disneyland (again)

2010-07-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

So here's the deal. I did a whole long post with all my pictures from Disneyland. I tried to use photo bucket for the pictures and the sizing did not work correctly for me (plus it's midnight and not all the sentences made sense) so I deleted the post. If you saw it in google reader it came out correct. Anyhow, like I said it is midnight and I am tired (read post below). So, I will figure it out in the morning.

Good night.

Up and out

2010-07-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged much.

I've been busy.

So much to be done.

We are in the middle of moving.

Well, we are more in the beginning of moving

but we should be in the middle of it.

Moving is stressful. So much needs to picked up and packed up.

Although I have my issues with this house,

it is the house I brought my little ones home to when they were born.

It doesn't help that I'm not sure where we are moving to.

I know what your thinking, "but Megan you have time to figure this out".

Well, we have to be out by the 1st of August.

(big sigh)

I know, right? What to do!

My mom is awesome and has invited us into her home.

We are blessed by her.

The only problem is I want MY home.

My things to surround me.

It is very hard to go home again.

Especially when your all grown up with your own family.

I KNOW this will all work itself out.

Sometimes when days seem overwhelming,

I just sit still and listen for God to calm me.

I know He has a plan. I trust him.

Our family motto has always been:

Godliness with contentment is great gain.

1 Timothy 6:6

Ever since Tim and I read that scripture it pierced our hearts.

I love my family and I have some AWESOME friends.

I couldn't get through this nearly as sane without them.

I feel it though. Big stuff in store for the Farmer family.

Look out world...

Disney

2010-07-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

Just got back from visiting the Mouse.

More to come...

Independence Day

2010-07-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

What a fun weekend away. We packed up the kids and headed to the river this past weekend, Parker, Arizona to be exact. Tim's friend Anton invited us to come stay at the house he rented for the weekend to hang out and be lazy.

Well, I have two little ones so I didn't get to be too lazy but we all had such a fun time. It almost felt like we were filming for the "real world". Let's just say the occupancy full sign was hung on the door. Our four bedroom house was home to our family, Anton and his wife and 2 children, Anton's friend from elementary school and his two friends along with his brother and his brothers wife and two children, and lastly Anton's college friend and boyfriend and her boyfriends son. Phew, it was packed!

We set up a pool on the back deck for the kids to play in at any time of the day, and they did just that. The kids were in there at 7am and also at 9pm. Ryan and Noah NEVER had a shirt on! When they weren't playing in the little pool they were swimming in the big river. Ryan loved the boat the second he stepped foot on it. Noah on the other hand, it took some warming up. I did learn that when you are taking the family to the river it would be handy to charge the camera before you leave home. I only got a few pictures from the first day. Bummer. They weren't even warmed up yet! Oh well.

By the end of the weekend Ryan was crying not to come home. The kids had a blast playing with Anika (Noah had a secret crush). Here are a few pics I was able to take.

(Noah was not a huge fan of the wind in his face)

(Upper part of the deck, the lower had a boat dock attached)

Motivation

2010-06-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

I keep talking about how I want to be a runner. This is a new revelation for me. Growing up I never had the desire to run. Why run? If someone is chasing you I understand but beside that, I don't get it! I have always been horrible at running. I'm slow, I can't breathe, my legs hurt, my side aches, you get the picture, it was torture. As I have grown older and had a few babies (yep, I blame them, I don't care if it had something to do with the milkshakes, or the sugar, or the fried food) I have started this fascination with running. I see someone running and I want that. I want it to be me on the treadmill pushing hard and still able to breathe. I want to be the one pounding the pavement uphill and feel able to push through the pain.

I'm tired of quitting. I need control. I need a plan. I've decided to become a runner.

With this said let me tell you, I don't think I was made to run. I have never enjoyed it. I always get way more motivated while sitting at home watching "The biggest loser" then I am when I put the running shoes on and start to go. I also had this running idea since Sunday, I told Tim my goal was to go out and run a little bit everyday this week. Well, it's wednesday night and I have yet to run... this week! So I decided, I need more motivation.

See, Lisa's wedding is coming up in just over a month. I thought that would being the motivation I needed to get off the couch. Not so much. I think that is because it was the wrong motivation. That was for weight loss I am scared I won't be able to get off, so instead of failing, I just haven't done anything. Training though, thats different. It isn't measured by the scale. Nope, it's measured by my endurance, time, speed. Something that feels much more tangible.

Have I mentioned I have a birthday coming up? Oh, I have? Well as I said, this is my last year in my twenties and I feel a change a brewing. I have fitness goals. For weight loss? Not so much. More for me to challenge myself to something I feel challenged by at yet obtainable.

So here it is, my goals for the year leading up to 30. I want to do the woman's triathlon again. I want to do the muddy buddy race, I want to run at least 3 5k's, and I really want to get a team together for the Ragnar relay. Notice, no half or full marathons. I really don't have the desire to run long distance. It's not that I think I can't do it, I just don't feel the need. If at some point I feel that desire I will let you know and I'll add it to the list. For now though, this is enough.

So that's it. The first part of my birthday goals. I think there might be more goals to come.

What do you think? Are you in? Want to do a 5k with me?

A few thoughts

2010-06-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

In my head right now

Hulu hasn't been working right for me lately. It's my only connection to the television world, I must confess, I'm freaking out a little.
It looks like we are moving soon. I won't lie, I'm nervous. The uncertainty of the future makes me uneasy. I want to think optimistically about how we are moving to the next chapter of our lives and it's a blank page to write on. Right now though, I would love some predictability.
I had an interesting conversation with some friends the other night over dinner about how my husband is the head of our household - they looked at me like I sent the woman's movement back 50 years. I believe it in my heart though and I have so many reasons why. Maybe that will be a blog post to come.
My birthday is coming. Home stretch of my twenties. Bring it!
I am very much looking forward to the river this weekend and Disneyland to follow. I need my family time.
I hate packing!
I really want a baby girl- do you think God is taking requests? (No, I'm not pregnant)
I did get Hulu to play for me last night and I watched "The spirit of a marathon". I still have no desire to run a marathon but I would love to become a runner. Getting there is my problem!

The End

Keeping busy

2010-06-23T14:02:00.001-07:00

(Ryan taking pictures)

Camping. Check.

Next up, Toy Story 3 and the Del Mar Fair tomorrow.

I haven't loaded the pictures from my camera onto the computer yet from our camping trip, sorry. They do have the same theme as the last camping pictures I posted though. We had a good time but boy it's hard to keep little ones occupied all day. We walked over to the waterfall and played in the water a bit. It was fun. The water was cold! We took lots of video.

I have decided to take tons of video and pictures this summer and put together a video of the whole summer activities. I am looking forward to so much this summer. Can't Wait!

Tim and I started counting calories yesterday. I have to admit, I didn't do to well. It was WAY to hard to eat well when there were left over s'mores calling my name. So I did what I had to do to be successful, I spent the whole day eating s'mores so that there are non left to tempt me. So far it has worked, haven't cheated yet. The problem is were going to the fair tomorrow. I need to factor in those delicious doughnuts that are smothered in cinnamon and sugar and made right in front of my own eyes. Oh, and that yummy corn on the cob that gets stuck in your teeth but it's okay because it is oh, so good! Man, I love the fair. So many memories.

For now, I will get ready for the gym and Ryan's swim class. Then to worship with some friends at rehearsal.

Life is good!

Got to love summer!

It's here... Almost

2010-06-17T13:54:00.000-07:00

I really can't wait for summer to fully start. I read blogs that talk about summer and how they are so excited to finally enjoy summer activities. Everyday, I wake up, I anticipate a warm San Diego day with the sun beaming down and feeling a warm summer breeze (not to warm, of course) but our days have been so inconsistent. One day it's warm and the next, cold and overcast.

I love summer, always have. I am so excited to get summer started. Tomorrow the family is packing up and going camping at Green Valley Falls for the weekend. This will be the first "real" camping experience as a family with the kids. I'm going to the store today to get stuff for s'mores, hot dogs to cook in the campfire, pancakes for breakfast. Love it!

Yesterday, my mom asked me if we wanted the portable DVD player for the kids to watch movies on during the camping trip. This question left me perplexed. I don't know, do I? I NEVER watched movies when I was camping, that's not roughing it. Then again, I didn't go camping when I was 2. To be honest, the thought of letting the kids watch "Bolt" until they were fast asleep kinda enticed me. I am going to have to think long and hard about this.

I have decided that this camping trip will be my official start of summer. What else do we have planed you ask?

3 day trip to Disneyland (2nd annual)
4th of July river trip
lots of Sea World trips
3 days at our family time share (yep, all the way to Escondido, CA)
Wild Animal Park
Del Mar Fair ( it will always be called the Del Mar Fair)
several trips to Nuyo
Lisa's wedding (P-A-R-T-Y)
church picnic in the park
beach days playing in the sand
swimming lessons
family photos (maybe, if I can lose those extra pounds I have been carrying around)

I am sure there so much more we are going to fill our time with. Palm Springs? Santa Cruz?

Just in case you were wondering, first official day of summer is June 21!

Until I have pictures of all our fun summer adventures, here are some taken this past Memorial Day.

Thank you to the Fink Family (Buzz, Kristina, Alexandra, and Amanda) for opening your beautiful new home to us. We had a blast!

Camping

2010-06-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

On Friday night we went camping - sort of. Every year the city hosts a campout. We packed up the camping supplies and pitched our tent in the soccer field. The evening started with setting up the tent and then onto the inflatable slide.

The kids had a great time going up and down the slide. After the slide we went into the gym where the kids rode the wiggle riders and then we played some family basketball. Unfortunately, I am the worse player in the family. Even Noah came closer to the basket, it was embarrassing.

Next, time for some dinner, hot dogs all around. We sat around the tent eating and enjoying our family time. We got ready for the night time cold and off to the flashlight scavenger hunt, then the outdoor movie (Up), while eating some yummy s'mores.

I woke up bright and early in the morning to catch my boys sleeping peacefully in their sleeping bags with chocolate and marshmallow resting on their face.

Bliss. I love my life.

boys dressing boys

2010-06-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

This is why I want to stay home with my boys all day long...

(faded brown shirt and green shorts)

So I can dress them!

Tim and I are having a difference of opinion.

I don't think this outfit looks right, AT ALL!

Thoughts?

Really, grey?

2010-06-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

(Ryan, before)

About a week and a half ago, Noah, got hurt in the nursery at church. I was called out of the service to see my precious little boys mouth covered with blood. Upon closer look, his tooth was sticking straight forward. I pushed on his tooth and it went back into place, I realized we are dealing with a loose tooth. I don't really know much about loose teeth in toddlers. I was told by some of the other moms around me that there would be a good chance that his tooth will reconnect and life would be good again.

Phew!

Oh, but that's not all. I was also informed on the other hand it is quite possible that his tooth will turn grey.

WHAT?

Grey?

Why do my kids have to hurt themselves on the precious face all the time. I need to start considering the bubble wrap idea for the kids a lot more seriously. Needless to say I have been watching Noah's tooth like a hawk. Praying and crossing my fingers we get spared from the dreaded grey tooth. So far, we are doing well. Noah's tooth isn't loose, at least when you touch it, it doesn't move.

Then it happened, I get a phone call from Tim.

"we have been spending all our time watching Noah and Ryan is the one who has the grey tooth!"

"OK Tim, I'll take a look at it when i get home. Bye," I said back to him, my response kind of rushed since I was at work and to be honest I didn't believe him.

I got home that afternoon and guess what? Ryan has a grey tooth! How in the world did this happen? I have been watching it over the past few days and I just noticed the chip in his tooth today. He doesn't seem to be sensitive to hot and cold so that is a positive, but, really? So, I did some research (got to love google) and it appears his tooth will most likely not go back to normal. Most likely the tooth is dead. I went ahead and made a dentist appointment for tomorrow. I just know that Noah's tooth will also turn grey. Seriously, what does this say about my mothering when both my kids can end up having grey teeth. *sigh*

At about this point I did what any good mother would do - called my mother sobbing on the phone about my kid having a grey tooth and the fact that I just know life will never be the same again (not to dramatic, right?). I have since calmed down and gained some perspective. Well probably haven't gained perspective but I did calm down.

I am sad.

Sometimes I feel like a grey tooth surrounded by a mouthful of pearly whites.

All I know - God is good and he can do mighty things. I will trust him with it all.

to work or not?...that is the question

2010-06-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have been wrestling with myself lately on the idea of quitting my job. I always thought this was a no brainer, of course I want to quit. As Tim and I discuss this topic with more weight lately I feel more torn then I thought I would.

I love it when I am able to spend the whole day with my kids. Somehow my day is much more fluid when it is not chopped up into two parts. I feel I am where I an supposed to be while at home. I miss that I don't get to take Ryan to preschool, or give them morning baths, or cook them breakfast. I miss trips to Sea World in the morning before it gets crowded. I also miss my husband. It seems like our conversations have become shorter, disconnected and with less face time lately. I long for the days when I was on maternity leave and we lived a "normal" life with my husband coming home at 6pm.

For these of you that don't know, I work part time in the mornings while my husband is with the kids, and then when I get home he goes to work until about 10pm then comes home and works on stuff for his church job. We are blessed to have jobs that are flexible and are good to us but as you can see we are stretched to the limit.

I actually like my job as a medical biller. My hours are flexible and they have always worked with me when it comes to scheduling. It is nice to be able to get out of the house for a while and be around friends and be productive in a work environment. When I am at work I feel that is where I belong, yet, when I am at home I feel the same way. You would think I have the best of both worlds but for some reason it's not. I feel like something has to change.

I wonder if this is what most women go through. SAHM's that secretly desire to work and working moms that really want to be home. Or maybe you are where you want to be but have "what ifs".

I actually think I know what my decision is but I think I will continue praying on it until I feel 100% content.

And now, I will wash all the worry away with a shower.

Good night moon

Girls Weekend (part 3): under the cover

2010-06-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

Ah, day 3 in Austin. How could I forget day 3? I woke up SICK AS A DOG! (where does that expression come from? do dogs get sick? did I say that right?) Yep, couldn't get out of bed. I tried to go to breakfast but turned around back to bed before I ate a crumb. Needless to say there were no pictures taken by me on day 3. I am still a little bummed, but hey, what are ya going to do, right?

I did try going to the pool and hanging out with the girls but once I got to the pool, the humidity made me feel like I couldn't breathe. I told the girls I was going back to my room and if I wanted lunch I would come otherwise I would see them at 3 for our massages. As I was walking back to the room I realized I wasn't going to make it back on foot. I walked into the dining hall where it seems my pale complexion had me standing out like a sore thumb (again, do sore thumbs stand out?). After much embarrassment I was taken to my room by golf cart and escorted upstairs with several bottles of water.

My massage that day was called a Watsu massage. It is an acupressure massage that concentrates a lot on stretching and movement. It is done in it's own little pool with warm water. To my understanding it is not that common of a massage so I though it would be a good experience. I am so fortunate that this is the massage I signed up for. I don't think the traditional Swedish massage was going to work for me and my already achy body. It was such a relaxing massage that I though I was cured there for a while (well, minus the pounding headache) until I got out of the water where the aches and pain of my whole body waited for me. My fun was now over and back to bed I went.

I slept the rest of the day into the night...

Girls Weekend (part 2): Relaxing

2010-06-01T20:48:00.001-07:00

On Friday I woke up to a beautiful view of Gods creation. Now, let me just say this, I am a beach girl and find the sunset over the ocean the most magnificent slice of Heaven there is here on earth. That being said the view of the tree tops were nice and peaceful.

Kylie came to my room to hang out for a bit and when we couldn't get a hold of Amy we ditched her for the breakfast buffet (please don't worry about Amy, us being the good friends we are ate again with her). After breakfast we got ready and went to the store to buy some drinks and snacks.

When we got back it was time for lunch and then our first round of spa treatments. For me, this included a facial, for the other two, they had the stone massage. This was actually my first spa facial and I was quite impressed. I will probably pick a massage and pedicure over a facial any day of the week, but I'm sure glad I got the facial this time.

After spa treatments it was pool time. This pool has the most beautiful infinity edge that overlooks Lake Travis. We sat around catching up for a while and enjoyed that word mothers sometimes can't remember the name of... oh yes, that's it, RELAXING!

We then decided to get some dinner and then back to relax some more in the spa by the pool. The best part, we had the spa all to ourselves that night.

What a great day.

Oh yes, there also seemed to be some interesting statues around the property...

Dethroned!

2010-05-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

The face Noah makes when he is trying to poop

It's 7pm on the dot. Both of the kids are in bed. Ryan I just finished putting down and Noah has been down for about 40 minutes.

Dinner didn't go so well.

I am torn when writing these kinds of blogs. It seems that if you write a blog about how frustrating kids can be that it means your a bad parent. All the blogs I read are all cheery all the time. I understand that "they" just want to focus on the positive but sometimes I feel "they" have no hard moments- can that really be true? I think if we only show the good and never the hard we are maybe allowing others to feel like they have failed.

(disclaimer: I LOVE all the blogs I read and pull so much inspiration from them daily)

With all that said, I have decided to take back my household. It seems that somewhere in the midst of life my kids thought they were the kings and us their servants. I thought if they already feel this way at 2 and 4, I need to nip this thing in the bud. My boys are awesome, they have the ability to be so sweet and kind yet at the same time they like to dictate... to me!

Noah decided to throw his dinner on the floor tonight. Well, his dinner this evening and his lunch this afternoon. We go through this every night it seems. Tonight he went straight to bed. Ryan wouldn't try his dinner. I'm sure we have all been there, you know, the "I don't like it" deal before ever even trying it. It looks like Ryan stood up to the bell pepper and he refused a taste. He sat there staring it down for about an hour and he never gave in. Off to bed her went...

My kids are head strong stubborn bright intelligent little people. This is going to be a long process..

Girls Weekend: When 2 becomes 3

2010-05-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life we just need to get away!

I decided to do just that with a girls spa weekend in Austin, Tx. On Thursday morning my friend Kylie came to pick me up and we started our traveling adventure.

We had a layover in Denver that lasted about an hour longer then expected due to our flight being delayed. We looked all over for an open electrical outlet and ended up setting up camp on the floor. We were able to take a few minutes to share some of our favorite blogs and picture of newborn babies. We finally boarded the plane to Austin to find out that even though we were delayed by 1 hour we were only 20 minutes late arriving in Austin. We landed at about 6:45 ish and went to pick up our rental car.

We had some time before we had to be back at the airport to pick up Amy who we were surprising at the airport (more on that later). We decided to go eat downtown Austin at the recommendation of some fellow travelers on our plane. We made our way to 6th street and walked around downtown Austin. We found out rather quickly about the heat of Texas. Not only was it hot, the warm wet air was hard to breath sometimes - yes, we are San Diego girls to the core. After about 25 minutes of walking around we were thinking we had to pick Amy up soon so we needed to eat quickly. Due to time constraints we ended up at a bar with a taco truck next door. I know- left San Diego to eat Texas tacos.

During our dinner we realized that we got the time of Amy's flight confused - 60% Kylie's fault, 40% mine. Come to find out we have another 2 hours before her flight was to come in. We decided to use this time to get some drinks for the weekend. Let's just say for several reasons we drove around for about an hour and ended up with no alcohol at the end of the night.

We made our way back to the airport to pick up Amy. Now, here is the trips background. Kylie and I received a phone call from Amy's husband Adam, he works for a company that owns (or soon to own) a wellness spa "The Crossing". We were asked if we wanted to go and surprise Amy in Austin, Ky and I of course jumped at the chance. Amy was a little weary of the whole trip, being unsure about how she felt leaving her family to be by herself so far away (well, I don't really think she was unsure, but anyhow...) Ky and I got to the airport early and seriously stood behind a pole for about 30 minutes to surprise her. It was such an exciting moment for us as we have been waiting for this moment for what seemed to be forever. We had butterflies in our stomachs, it was like we were schoolgirls again and we were going to see a cute boy. We have missed her so much and we KNEW the completeness we would feel being reunited all together after about 3 years.

(us while hiding behind a pole)

Kylie saw her, she passed us, we made our move. Walking just a few steps behind her we tried to let her know she would have trouble renting her rental car as it was already picked up. The only problem was she never even turned around. It seems that we were just talking to ourselves. We then called her name. Still nothing! Then we yell louder "AMY". Finally she turns.

Not the look we were going for.

Much better!

She cried, which if you know Amy is no surprise. She is, well, a crier. We hugged and celebrated the power of friendship right there in the middle of the airport, a place I'm sure that is no stranger to these emotions. We threw Amy in the car with us and continued on our adventure of getting lost like only girls can, but finally made it to the hotel after the help of two Garmins. Got to love girls weekend.

More of the fun to come...

Kid's Day

2010-05-23T06:20:00.000-07:00

We are always looking for things to do around San Diego to keep us busy. You can probably imagine how excited we were to be offered some free tickets to Kids Fest at Liberty Station. We packed the kids in the car and went early to try and beat some of the crowd. They had several stations for the kids to play at. We were greeted when we got there with by a fire truck, for some reason we did not take the tour though. Once we got inside we came across the bubble station. As you would picture there were tons of bubbles but there were also lots of balls and plastic pools filled with balls. The kids took LOTS of time to play soccer and run around. Noah was rather partial to the big ball.

Next, there was a music station. Here the kids were able to play with drums, cowbells, and several other noisemakers. First time around the kids were kind of grumpy so didn’t really experience the joy of music. Later though we came back to it and the kids were much more receptive.

After the music station we came across the messy station. Ryan got to paint. Noah and Ryan both played with something that looked play dough (not sure what it was).

Next was dress-up. Tim and Noah had fun but Ryan was acting difficult.

The rest of the day was spent playing in cardboard boxes, potting plants, and riding of our bellies on the little scooters they had there (not really sure what the name of the toy it).

After we were done we hopped in the car for dinner at Chipotle. After a yummy chicken bowl Ryan decided he wanted to go to Sea World. To he honest, Tim and I were exhausted! I think the last place we wanted to go was Sea World but we did. Tim put Ryan on a “strict” 1 hour time limit – yeah right.

At Sea World we watched Shamu from the viewing deck where Tim and I were able to sit in the shade while Ryan and Noah marveled at Shamu. They don’t seem to get tired of that mammal. Then we went to the Shamu show, checked out the sharks, said hi to the sea lions, got pooped on my a seagull – I can’t tell you how much I despise seagulls- and went home. Tim’s strict 1 hour schedule turned into about a 2 hour visit. Needless to say, we slept good that night.

Another family day in the books, I love these days so much! What a blessing to bring our children up in such a beautiful place. I can’t wait for a billion more of these days. We are so very blessed.

Isn't this cute?

2010-05-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

I really like these swimsuits. What do you think?

I think the yellow one is my favorite. It's $100 though.

Although this same one in red is on sale.

Maybe.

I just showed them to Tim though and he was less then thrilled with them.

(The swimsuits are from Popina in case you wanted to look for yourself)

Bought a new book yesterday. I'm kinda excited to read it. I really hope it's going to inspire me to do big things. Does that sound corny? Oh well. Maybe I need corny in my life. Anyhow, I was telling Tim yesterday that I am totally one of these people that when I hear an inspiring quote it gets me all excited. Like I can do anything. For example, when I am at the gym and I am DYING and just want to be done, I think of the saying "pain is weakness leaving your body" and it actually inspired me to run faster or do more. The reason I say this is because it does my soul good to read a book of inspiration. I revives me. So, when I am done with the book I will let you know what I think.

Noah's party

2010-05-18T14:37:00.001-07:00

Noah's birthday party was thrown together and actually went off without a hitch last Saturday. We went to our favorite park and played and ate pizza. Noah along with the other kids played in the water, then played on the playground, and finished by riding his bike in circles trying to catch up with his older brother.

I remember sitting at the park, the sun was shining, the kids were playing and having a great time, and we were surrounded with friends and family. I though to myself that these are the moments in life where everything is just good. I could feel my blessings all around me.

I wish I put more time into his party. I wanted there to be some more special moments for him but I won't get to down on myself. I will just start now on next year! =)

To my special little Noah, I hope you had a blast!

Post Edit note: I know the picture is "off" in sizing but I have yet to figure out how make the picture bigger once a picture has been cropped. (Well, actually I haven't tried to figure it out because I'm lazy and I figure it's good enough)!

Noah's 2!

2010-05-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Today is Noah's birthday. Happy Birthday sweet boy.

Noah,

At age 2 you can probably best be described as mischievous. You surly know how to get yourself into some trouble. You hate being away from Ryan but I am convinced it is because you LOVE to torment him. You know just the right buttons to push to set him off (although with Ryan you don't really need to push that hard). You are the most headstrong child ever. You know what you want and will not quit until you get it. At 2 this can sometimes be frustrating but I firmly believe this will serve you well in life. So, I will continue to encourage this behavior just in a little more respectful manner.

You LOVE going to grandma's house, I think it's because all the junk food you get to eat over there. You love baths, and Buzz Lightyear, cars, and shoes. Yep, I said shoes, For some reason you will take all the shoes and wear them around the house one mismatched pair at a time. Your favorite thing in the world right now are crackers. You will eat them nonstop until you finally get cut off. This is normally where the headstrong part of your personality comes out. You will continue to have a fit until you get ANOTHER cracker. For the most part we are strong but there are times...

You are quite the picky eater. You are not much for trying new things in the kitchen. Right now you are on any 2 year olds diet. You love macaroni and cheese, PB&J, and chicken. This is basically your staple diet. You love your fruit bars for snack and oatmeal for breakfast. You have moms sweet tooth and you seem to be partial to the desserts.

Last night, you were having a hard time sleeping (grandma loaded you with sugar) and daddy laid you in our bed. When I went to sleep you looked at me and crawled into my arms to sleep with me. You fit so perfectly in my arms I didn't want to let go of my 1 year old boy. I think you need to slow down and not grow up so fast. My baby is a toddler. You no longer let me pick out your shoes or let me dress you on the changing table.

I remember bringing you into this world as if it were yesterday. You captured our hearts that day and never let go. Daddy and I love you so much. We love the mischievous, rambunctious, sweet, energetic, little boy that you are.

Happy Birthday son,

Mommy

Lisa's shower (Bridal)

2010-05-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

Lisa's first bridal shower was this past Saturday. It was a beautiful day. The sky opened and the sun was shining down.

Translation, it was HOT!

Lindsay was so gracious to host at her beautifully sweet house. Seriously, it was the cutest house ever. I say more parties there please.

Okay, I digress.

Everything was perfect and I think Lisa enjoyed her special day (well, one of her special days. There are more to come). I put together a slideshow of pictures from the shower. If you don't have time to watch the slideshow I put a few of my favorites up.

(You knew one of the pictures would be the dessert table, right?)

(Molly, Heather, Gina)

(Future Lisa Way)

Seriously though, watch the slideshow. It took me ALL DAY to figure out how to get it on here. phew, I finally got it. Then I noticed it's titled "my first project", by default. Way too much work to fix it. So lets pretend...

(I figured out how to fix the title. I'm learning...)

Mothers Day

2010-05-09T08:06:00.001-07:00

I am sitting here in a quiet house. It's mothers day and Tim has taken the kids to church with him early. I am using this time to edit pictures of Lisa's shower (coming soon). I haven't sat down to write a blog for a few days because I don't really know what to say or how to put my life right now into words.

It's mothers day and my mom is sick. Not the kind of sick that you can see. Actually she is feeling great lately. Better then she had felt in about 6 months. This is what cancer does to you though, poisons your body from the inside out. On this mothers day I feel scared, frustrated, and thankful.

Scared because I have lived this past week in fear of the future. Tim and I were talking the other day and I was reminded of a sermon I heard about 12 years ago. The thing that stuck with me are the words "Don't let fear paralyze you". Funny that I can't remember anything else he said but these 5 words have got me through the last few days. In life, we have to move forward in faith, keep our eyes on the prize, and know this world is temporary. I will no longer let fear paralyze me but will be driven by faith.

Frustrated because I feel helpless. When we are able to put our energy into fixing a problem we feel accomplished, that we did something that made a change for good. It may be feeding the poor, building homes for people who sleep in the cold on dirt. But this? There is nothing to do but wait. I hate the word wait! This is such an inactive step in the process. What are we waiting for? To be told we are going to live? To be told we are going to die? I hear there is a treatment? To hear there is not? Tell me now! Know now! Let's stop waiting and lets start DOING! But I can't. All I can do is... wait. It makes my heart sink. It makes me frustrated. But I will wait. I will wait for His purpose and plan, and right now the plan is wait.

Thankful. Right now, in this moment on this mothers day I have 2 precious, healthy, happy children and a mother who feels good enough to go shopping with me. I have a husband who took care of the kids all day yesterday and will have them most of the day today. He also cleaned the house last night while I slept on the couch. Yes, I am thankful.

I am not saying I will not have moments and being scared or frustrated in my future, or daily for that matter. What I am saying is I will fight these feelings with ones of thankfulness, hopefulness, and faithfulness.

For I know not what my future holds but I know who hold my future.

7 and counting

2010-05-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

It's funny. I went through my blog and I have yet to document one marriage anniversary. Why? Not sure, but I think it's time to go against the norm today. Tim and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary on Sunday. I love it! Every minute spent with him has been a blessed minute.

Here is a peek into our last 7 years:

on our wedding night (it's ok, it's a PG story) I prepared a bubble bath and couldn't understand why the bottle of bubbles they give you was so small. I dumped the whole bottle in and turned on the jets. Bad idea, bubbles were EVERYWHERE!
When we first started dating we went to Kate Sessions park and spent the evening talking about everything. It changed our relationship. Tim asked me to marry him in the same spot, and we just watched fireworks from there on Sunday to celebrate 7 years of marriage.
Together we have watched every episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" .... about 10 time.
When we started watching 24 we rented the previous seasons from NetFlicks and stayed up until 3am every night watching it.
Our wedding photographer had a lazy eye. Weird.
My engagement ring has the stone from my grandmothers wedding ring and is probably one of the most meaningful things in the world to me. My ring also has sapphires like my mothers wedding ring and it happens to be Ryan's birthstone.
speaking of rings. I wanted to design my wedding band to match my engagement ring. When I picked up the ring I cried it was so ugly. When I gathered the nerve to tell the jeweler he felt sorry for me, I'm sure, and let me pick out one that was already made.
Tim had a VW bus when we were first dating that didn't have reverse or 4th gear. (yes, one day I will document the story of our meeting and dating)
We have 2 totally different kids. Ryan looks like me and personality wise is just like Tim. Noah on the other hand looks more like Tim and has my personality traits (sorry bud).
We LOVE "Old School". We watch it when we feel like a laugh.

One of my biggest regrets in these past 7 years is the lack of pictures we take together, I'm going to have to work on that. In fact, I think we should work on that with a vacation. What do you think hubby? =)

I love you

Dear God,

2010-04-30T22:41:00.000-07:00

I want one of these days!

Love,

Megan

A weekend wasted

2010-04-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

Man, I hate being sick. This has been such a beautiful weekend but it was wasted on me. I haven't been out of bed for more then 20 minutes. ugh!

I have so many things to get done. Tim has been awesome and took the boys to Sea World yesterday so I could rest. I HATE missing out on family days. With our family schedule the only time we have together are the weekends. Oh well. One weekend shot and a whole lot more family days to come.

I guess I should use this down time to plan Noah's birthday party. Any ideas?

Milestones

2010-04-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

iPhoto is one of Ryan's favorite things to do. If you want to pass the time just put him in front of the computer and let him pose. What a little ham he is. I'm not sure where he gets that from!

Noah is in his big boy bed tonight. I can't believe he will be 2 in a few weeks. I'm not exactly sure where my baby went but it makes me sad. Every new milestone is met with mixed feelings. I love to see him accomplish new things yet he is my BABY. Oh the joys of parenthood.

Happy Tuesday!

Letter to a friend

2010-04-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

I just wanted to let you know I am not a very good friend. I am very sad you no longer live down the street (around the corner, down the road, and up the other street) but I still strive to be a good long distance friend. The problem with this is I seem to be very lazy. I ran across this box when cleaning out the closet the other day. Have you noticed the to/from has faded? This is because it is your Christmas gift from about 3 years ago. Sad huh? It seems I never walked the 2 blocks to the post office to send the package. I’ve told you about it, now I just felt like I needed to prove I was not lying.

Unfortunately, upon further inspection it seems the contents from within decided to try and escape. This leaving the gift, well, gross! You have probably noticed I now use Amazon to ship things directly to your house. This seems to be a much better option for people like me. I will strive to be better in the future but unfortunately there will be no promises. Please know this laziness has nothing to do with the love I have for this friendship (if that were the case I would be divorced).

Your friend,

Megan

Easter

2010-04-10T22:20:00.001-07:00

I know I am a little behind on blogging but I want all these holidays documented. So, better late then never.

We had a pretty good Easter. Bobby, Rachel, and the kids came down and we were all able to spend Easter together. This was a rare treat since usually we are all called to be at our home church for this day. Bobby is in the transition of church planting so he came down and led Easter Sunday at Rancho Vista Church. It was a great time of worship. Thanks Bob.

(sound check before service..aren't the flowers and plants on stage pretty)
We did an easter egg hunt after service. Not many pictures from there because I have yet to take those pictures off the other camera. Kylie was able to take this family picture for us. Couldn't get everyone to smile at the same time but who can at this age?

After church we went to my moms house and did what every family does on Easter...

Yep, noah playing cars, sleeping, looking bored out of our minds and more sleeping. But at least we weren't doing Tim's job...

Yep, picking up the dog poop.

After this, we had an earthquake to shake things up around here. Everyone woke up and Rachel and I hid eggs for the kids

Then we let the kids loose

Good times were had. We tried our best to get a group picture of the kids but like I said, just not possible

Such a fun time. Well, except for Caleb who was sick... and Bobby and Rachel who were up all night the night before with Caleb. But hey, I had a blast!

Christ in Risen!

Brothers

2010-04-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes these boy can be SO frustrating! But then there are moments like these and I feel blessed beyond words.

How He loves

2010-03-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I sat down to write this blog post and it got derailed. One thing led to another and I got completely off track. Here is what happened:

At this moment of time in my life I LOVE THIS SONG. I have heard it several times and I love it more and more. It is just so well written. Here is the Kim Walker version of HOW HE LOVES (my personal favorite).

Awesome right? If you didn't listen to the whole thing I hope you listened until the power chorus. Such great stuff.

So, as I was looking up the video on You Tube I saw an interview with the original songwriter JOHN MARK MCMILLAN. I knew of the controversy about the SLOPPY WET KISS part of the song to I went to my brothers blog where he blogged about what JOHN MARK MCMILLAN had to say about the uproar. After reading the blog on his website I read several more of his posts and LOVED THEM. His blogs are so interesting to me because he really challenges you to think, and to think outside the worship box. Not sure I agree with everything he says but he still got me thinking.

One of his blogs I really liked was about being WORLDLY CHRISTIANS. Here is the quote that stands out most to me...

The Bible seems to say to me that any religious institution should only complement and assist us with our “secular” lives, but not become our lives.

How easy is it for us to get caught up in the our own CHURCH BOX? We hang out with "church friends" and go to life groups and church meeting s but yet in the end we keep all that separate from our day to day SECULAR lives.

I think God is working on something in me right now. I'm a little scared because I think he is working on some of my nice comfortable character flaws that I will probable (gasp) have to change.

So there you have it. All I wanted to do was post the video and you got all the fun extras. I really do encourage you to read more of JOHN M. MCMILLAN's blog. He has some great stuff on worship.

good night

extra time to reflect

2010-03-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

It seems that I have a lot of time on my hands now that the T.V. is broken. The kids are going through a phase right now. A phase where it is REALLY easy for me to use this outlet to complain, but I'm not going to. I was looking back on some old post, and I read these blogs I wrote when Ryan was a baby (9months-1 year). It is so different in the beginning with your first child, so pure. Then, they grow up and they throw and they fight and they hit and you have to discipline when really all you want to do is play with them.

Reading these old posts is what I needed today. A reminder of just how special my boys are. I know what your thinking, do you really need a reminder? Yes and no. I love the boys more then words can express but some days are hard. On those hard days, or weeks, you just need to be centered again.

With that said, I have two awesome boys with such fun and unique personalities. Noah will be 2 in 1 1/2 months. CRAZY! They are the light of my life even on the hard days. I am blessed.

All is well.

Freebies

2010-03-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would pass along the information I saw here to anyone who wanted to know...

Picaboo: FREE classic photobook ($39.99 value)-- just pay shipping! Ends 3/31/10.

To redeem, click HERE and use code AFFLGB-- shippng is $8.99 for the book.

I haven't tried it yet but I think I will soon.

Food Revolution

2010-03-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

So, this past Sunday Tim and I sat down to watch Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I don't think I have ever yelled at my TV as much as I did that night.

This show is about Jamie Oliver a cook from the U.K. trying to change an elementary school's menu to healthier food. For some reason the lunch ladies (sorry, "cooks", they didn't like the term lunch lady yet they didn't seem to cook much) had very much resistance to Jamie's new menu. Really? These kids are eating pizza for breakfast!

As most of you know, I am NOT a health nut. With that said we try to make good choices especially when it comes to what the kids eat. I want them to have the best start. The ability to make proper choices. I want them liking healthy food! Now, I am not saying that we always succeed at this but we try. I am not sure why people would oppose but these ladies do. Isn't is common knowledge that fresh food is better for you then processed? Such a frustrating show! With that said, I think EVERYONE should watch it! Hopefully people will get as fired up as I did.

Some days need this

2010-03-21T00:31:00.000-07:00

Is this bad parenting?

Even if they are sharing?

and having fun?

Just wondering...

so short

2010-03-21T00:04:00.001-07:00

Noah got a hair cut.

From

to

I have to tell you, it makes me sad.

grow hair, grow!

(P.S. can you tell I used two different cameras)

Happy Sunday!

Luck of the Irish to you

2010-03-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

Not much blog worthy going on here but wanted to drop in and say

Happy St. Patty's Day!

why...

2010-03-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

because I am totally in LOVE with this man

In other news:

Well there isn't that much other news. I have been working out...HARD! Although, I thought the gut just disappears after a week. What happened? Oh well, I still go back. I'm tired a lot more often now though. I did some squats on Saturday and I think the pain may never go away in my legs. So far I haven't done enough to want to talk about it now, but I hope this is a developing story.

Chelsea King. What a sad story. I hugged my boys extra tight tonight. I pray for the absence this family will endure. May God fill the void.

Tim's birthday is on Monday. Any idea's what I should get him for his birthday?

Lastly, this is our find of the month (well, last month) so thought I would share. Fresh n' Easy sells some yummy bread with roasted garlic cloves baked it. SO GOOD. Tim and I go through a whole loaf. Embarrassing huh? This bread alone will hinder my "developing story".

Smiles and happy Wednesday!

Laundry

2010-02-27T22:26:00.000-08:00

this is what happens when I try and do laundry...

Happy Sunday!

(aka laundry day in my house)

today was...

2010-02-26T16:29:00.000-08:00

Today was "Silly hair day" at tiny tots. We asked Ryan on Wednesday if he wanted to color his hair for silly hair day. He said yes so we let him choose the color.

Yep, blue hair!

The problem:

He wanted NOTHING to do with his BLUE hair today. He cried when Tim tried to color it. He was embarrassed all the way to school. THEN when he got to school he didn't want ANY of his friends to see him. Oh, it starts early doesn't it? Tim had to have the teacher take Ryan into the class room. We start self esteem issues early in the Farmer household.

He made Noah participate. Poor Noah is the guinea pig for Ryan.

The WORST part? I missed it all! I knew this would happen since I have to work in the mornings but man it's a bummer. While all the messy hair commotion ensued, I was working. I hate being a (sort-of) working mother on days like today. I am blessed with being able to work a few hours and then be home with the kids the rest of the day. Today though, broke my heart. The up side? By the time I came home Ryan was digging his hair-do and let me take pictures of him.

Isn't he handsome? I think I like the blue hair. Dad did a great job.

Thank you Tim for being such a fun dad. Our kid's our truly blessed.

"the games"

2010-02-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

I have to admit it, I don't get it! I don't get the biathlon. And while we are on the topic I don't get curling. There are some RANDOM winter sports. Unfortunately I haven't seen much of this years Olympics. The problem is what I have seen has not been that exciting. I guess I keep switching it over at the wrong time. Example, Tim and I fell asleep Saturday afternoon watching cross country skiing. Just in case you were wondering, yes, both kids were awake causing each other much grief but that is what cross country skiing will do to you, allow you to sleep through a 1 year old and 3 year old fighting and for that I thank those skiers. (was that a really long run on sentence with commas in the incorrect place? I'm horrible at English)

I did get to see Lindsey Vonn win the bronze. I know, I missed her getting the gold but saw Russia get gold for the biathlon. More bad timing. The only skiing I saw was the super g and although you never want to see someone fall at the Olympics, you kinda want to see someone fall. How wrong is that?

Well there you have it. My Olympic exposure. Not a whole lot. Oh well, I guess I am more of a summer Olympic kinda girl.

Lastly, Just a fun picture of my precious baby boy because i want to.

Here is my little monkey

Kisses,

Megan

Lucky in love

2010-02-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

(LOVE THIS GUY)

I hope everyone had a great valentines day! I was able to take a nap, hang out at the park with my boys, and then put the kids down to sleep while my husband made me a YUMMY dinner. Have I mentioned that I love this guy? Well, I do!

Ryan helped me make PB&J sandwiches in a heart shape for him and Noah to eat for lunch.

Totally different topic:

I was putting the kids down for bed tonight and had such a fun time. Not to long ago I hated bedtime. Ryan would get out of bed at least 10 times at night. Now, he just kinda goes down and stays down. He maybe gets up once but I'll take that.

When I put him to bed and we pray... hands down best part of the day. In between him being thankful to God for EVERYONE he has ever met (yes, we call them all by name) he starts to talk about things that are on his mind. Like how he likes his toy at grandma's, Cat in the Hat in particular. It is just a fun time to see into this little boys head. I LOVE hearing him talk about his day. He has such a different perspective on everything. We are so blessed.

P.S

Dear Trader Joe's,

Please never run out of helium EVER again. There are some little boys out there that depend on getting a balloon when going to your store. If said balloon is not there it makes for a long walk to the car with many stares from strangers.

Just a request from a mother who just wants to get through her grocery shopping.

Have a beautiful Tuesday!

The day before

2010-02-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

Happy day before

Valentines Day

So here is the question that everyone asks about valentines day:

Is it overrated?

Just a Hallmark holiday?

My thoughts:

I LOVE valentines day.

Yes, we should show our love for one another everyday.

The truth though, life sometimes gets in the way.

I think it is awesome to have one day to focus on L-O-V-E.

Now, should this be the only day we show love and affection?

Absolutely not.

With this said...

I LOVE my HUSBAND!

I am so blessed to be married to my best friend.

I know that's cheesy but there are a lot of people out there

that are married to people they barely like.

So, I will share just a few things that makes me love my husband

My husband...

is an awesome man of God.

He is the best father to my children

He is even tempered (trust me, this is huge when married to me)

He cries

He loves football and talk about it with me even though I'm a girl

I supports me in all the random hobbies I pick up for about 5 days then get bored with

He is an awesome cook

He helps me with the dishes

he let me sleep in on saturday mornings

he watches chick flicks with me

he gets the kids ready to go while I blog

most of all...

he puts up with me!!

I love you Tim

Your Wife

Friday's buy

2010-02-05T20:21:00.000-08:00

Found these fun earrings on Etsy today...

Cute huh? Found them here along with some other beautiful fun porcelain earrings. Go check them out. (Husband: please do not think I am hinting at a valentines day gift just because I put up a picture of pretty earrings and a link to pages full of beautiful earrings and the holiday is in 9 days)

In other news...

I was talking to Tim last night about this and that when in mid sentence he started to snore! Yep, you heard right. He is talking and then 2 seconds later, he is DONE for. I was trying to figure out if i should take it personally until I remembered this...

... our family outing to "Disney on Ice" last week. We were all having a good time, I look away for a second and he is SLEEPING! ( I know, Ryan doesn't look to thrilled in this picture either but he was, trust me)

Oh well, I guess I should go buy the earring since Tim will probably be sleeping through the purchase.

Got to love him! HAPPY FRIDAY!

if the bible says it...

2010-02-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

...it must be true!

I read a cool blog post today.

It spoke of this passage:

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Such a great verse. There are two awesome parts to this verse:

1. I don't have to worry about my boys future. If I invest time and prayer into my children they will always have inside of them the Truth. God's promise is that it will always be there in them. (really the second part)

2. I feel this verse talking to me now, in the present. Let me tell you, my kids know EVERY button to push. They can get my blood pressure raised so high so fast. I sometimes seem to lose it with them. I raise my voice WAY more then I feel comfortable admitting. I feel like I'm just not getting through to them.

In the verse above it says "train up a child in the way they should go". I don't want anger and frustration to be the way my kids are raised up. Today when Ryan was resisting bedtime I felt this verse come over me. What kind of parent do I want my future grandkids to have? The answer is one with patients, calmness, understanding.

Please don't hear me wrong. I love my children very much and they are AWESOME boys but they are at a challenging age right now. They are testing their boundaries. No, I mean SERIOUSLY testing their boundaries! But that's okay, that's what children do.

I now look at them and remind myself to train them up in the way they should go.

Let me tell you... The bible is full of some awesome stuff!

Stuck in a rut

2010-01-27T14:06:00.000-08:00

( BIG sigh)

I think I am stuck in a rut. Nothing seems to be inspiring me right now. I NEED motivation. Change of scenery. Something. ANYTHING!

I need to take some pictures. I have not used my camera in about a month (if not longer). I miss that hobby. It has been rainy out lately and a lot of other things going on that is keeping me from playing more.

So, today I pledge to stop being in a rut. I will not stop until I find something to inspire me.

Now, I still have pictures on my camera from christmas (yep, you read it right) I will sort through them tonight and work on getting some good stuff out there into the blog world

The fish

2010-01-17T18:33:00.001-08:00

I was looking through my pictures today. I saw this progression of pictures and started to laugh...